Many modern leaders fall into a dangerous trap: they mistake being “nice” for being effective. While a supportive culture is laudable and the use of empathy & emotional intelligence is essential, an over-emphasis on avoiding discomfort can lead to a culture where tough decisions are avoided and organisational performance is undermined. In essence, many leaders hold back their organisations because they fear the short-term friction of a difficult conversation or a hard choice. Falling into the “niceness” trap is particularly easy in Malta’s present labour market. With a very tight labour market and various high expectations for flexibility and work-life balance from employees, leaders are understandably anxious to maintain human connection and empathy to retain their best people.

Being “nice” in a leadership context often manifests as a desire to spare others from discomfort. This leads to several common, yet damaging, behaviours:

• Avoiding Tough Decisions: Leaders may dodge necessary changes—like ending an underperforming project or redefining a role—out of fear of bruising an ego or provoking pushback.

• Withholding Candid Feedback: Managers might praise what is working while failing to deliver the “hard feedback” necessary for an employee’s growth.

• Rewarding Poor Performance: When a leader prioritises being “nice” over being “good,” top performers often feel unfairly burdened because key people are not pulling their weight.

• Corroding Organizational Value: These behaviours prevent employees from developing to their full potential and cause company resources to be wasted on lower-value work.

The distinction between being “nice” and being “good” (or truly kind) is critical. As noted in a recent Harvard Business Review article, “Niceness is about avoiding discomfort, staying agreeable, sidestepping hard conversations, and letting things slide”. In contrast, good leadership is about having a positive, long-term impact on both individuals and the organisation. This often requires “soft hearts” but “hard heads”.

To move from being “too nice” to being “good,” leaders should focus on four key areas:

• More Accountability: High compensation should be tied to high expectations. Setting clear measurements and tracking them continuously ensures that the organisation doesn’t become “second rate” by rewarding good and poor performers equally.
  
• Candid Feedback: Critical feedback is a “gift” that helps employees build and refine their skills. When delivered empathetically but honestly, it results in higher engagement and better performance.

• Strategic Retention: While employee retention is important, it should not be an end in itself. It is healthier to normalise the possibility of moving on when a person and their role are no longer a match, provided the transition is handled ethically and humanely.

• Tight Strategic Focus: Strategy requires saying “no” to many small things to say “yes” to the most important ones. Leaders must resist the urge to keep everyone happy by pursuing too many projects, which often results in nothing significant getting done.
  

Changing a culture of “niceness” into one of “goodness” requires courage and persistence. Start small: pick one decision you have been dodging because of potential pushback and make the “good” choice instead of the “nice” one. By choosing honesty and excellence, you create a cultural flywheel that helps both people and the organisation truly flourish.