In a romanticised world, we are told that if we help people around us, be them colleagues or clients or suppliers – they will in turn take care of us. We imagine a world of reciprocal honour where helping someone ensures they’ll help us later. But for those that have been in the business trenches long enough, know very well that reality is often much stranger—and more stinging. As someone who had various leadership positions and advising various businesses, I have experienced a phenomenon that borders on the uncanny: The individuals I have helped the most are often the ones least likely to remain loyal. It sounds cynical, but it’s a pattern too consistent to ignore. When you provide the biggest break, the greatest opportunity, the most assistance or the softest landing for someone, it is most likely that eventually that person who will walk away or turn against you.

Why does this happen?

Many times it isn’t always because people are inherently “bad.” Rather, it’s more likely a mix of psychological factors. Deep down, people hate feeling indebted and breaking away is their way of asserting independence. Furthermore when you have helped someone grow, take up an opportunity or become better they now feel stronger and thus feel the need to move away from the help you provided to assert their strength. Normally as part of the mental process when persons feel stronger they tend to convince themselves they grew or overcame challenges on their own. Now that they are “bigger,” they feel they’ve outgrown the supportive environment you provided.

To survive as a leader, you have to move past the hurt. I call this mindset “Expected Disloyalty“

This isn’t about becoming a paranoid recluse or treating everyone like a mercenary. It’s about building a business model and an emotional armour & mindset that assumes that most business or professional relationships are seasonal, not permanent. When you expect disloyalty, any action towards departure or against you, isn’t a “betrayal”—it’s a data point.

Building resilience against disloyalty requires a shift in both your operations and your mindset. Here are some tips of how to toughen up:

Strategy	Actionable Step
Systematise, Don’t Personalise	Ensure your business relies on processes, not individuals. If a key player leaves, the manual stays.
The Value Exchange	Stop viewing loyalty as a moral obligation. View it as a daily transaction. If within a professional relationship there is no value exchange anymore, it is highly likely that the professional relationship has run its course.
Diversify Your Inner Circle	Never let one individual hold the “keys to the kingdom.” Spread institutional knowledge across multiple pillars.
Emotional Detachment	Practice “Radical Professionalism.” Be kind and supportive, but keep your identity separate from your professional relationships.

The ultimate resilience comes from a place of strength: Help people because it’s who you are, not because of what you expect in return. Resilience isn’t about expecting people to be always loyal. It’s about ensuring that when they are not, your business doesn’t even flicker.