Quiet, attentive listening doesn’t always come naturally to us. When we talk over others or just do not take a few minutes to listen – we might waste hours — or months — as we push things in the wrong direction. Why, then, is it so natural for us all to try to dominate conversation? One reason is that many of us have the wrong idea about what it means to be socially skilled, especially with regards a fundamental skill called EMPATHY.

As scientists define it, empathy is the ability to share, understand, and care for others’ experiences. But how do non-scientists define this term? One definition that stands out as the undisputed champion is “walking a mile in someone else’s shoes.” Research finds that when people project themselves into the lives of others, they grow more generous and less prejudiced toward them and more open to listening.

Scientists call this “perspective-getting,” in which one person uses questions and active listening to get to the bottom of someone else’s feelings. It helps people accurately understand one another. Research also finds that when people high in power engage in perspective-getting, individuals who don’t have power feel “heard,” improving relationships between them. And when people in the middle of a disagreement stop and engage in the act of perspective-getting, they discover common ground and become more-convincing advocates for their own ideas.

However such “perspective” getting requires two important foundational skills. The ability to listen attentively with empathy and to only speak in seeking to understand more and better.

Instead it’s a familiar experience that we “listen” to someone else but really are just waiting for our turn to speak, mentally preparing what we’ll say. For leaders and managers, it’s easy to believe that our job is to have all the answers, including about what others need or feel. That pressure can encourage perspective-mistaking and all the damage it brings.

Especially if you are in a position of influence or leadership, try reframing your role. Instead of trying to provide answers, think about the best questions you can ask. Or do even less, and simply put all your energy into being present. Listening might feel passive, but think again.

But what does listening have to go with Growth?

I see it many times, that business owners and leaders are constantly pursuing the growth of their business, that they literally get blindsided. The first sign is that they don’t consider employees in their growth strategies. Is the organisational structure strong enough to sustain this growth? Many times things are taken for granted and than business leaders act surprised that the symptoms of disengagement, burnout and lack of innovation have become the order of the day.

So I ask business leaders to listen to their teams and before launching the next growth initiative, to really discuss with them the following aspects and most of all to listen attentively to what they have to say.

• Are we effectively adding people to our planning?
  Traditionally, organizations prioritise planning for everything from finances to operations, but planning around humans is typically limited to head counts that flex up or down in response to economic trends. Is that the right way? Or should we planning around skills and productivity?

• Should we redefine productivity?
  Traditional Industrial Age productivity metrics, such as optimizing output against time, were created to measure workplace systems without regard for human capital and its present and future value. More cars rolling off the assembly line can generate growth, but forcing people to do more doesn’t equate to better growth and output. Shift the image of “optimizing” people by wringing them for all they’re worth to how you can support them as human beings. The latest Gallup research shows that only 24% of employees feel that their organizations care about their well-being (the lowest percentage in the last eight years). But as we all know when humans do feel cared for, they’re much less likely to be actively searching for another job and more likely to advocate for their company. Moreover, when employees feel cared for, companies benefit, too — again, evidence shows that a positive employee experience drives revenue growth for companies.

For businesses to be sustainable, their leaders need to learn how to listen well, to be able to grow their business in a sustainable way.